Now jokes
For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.
This is not really a joke, but it's a question.
If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?
Memes
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
I was Gandalf the Grey.
But now, after just three washes...
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
Nnnbgfdddddrr.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"