Now jokes

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?

I am in trouble.

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.

Hahaha :)

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.

This is not really a joke, but it's a question.

If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.