Now jokes

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: I don't know why.

Man: Because they have a family plan.

Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.

This is not really a joke, but it's a question.

If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.

A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.

Hahaha :)

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

Kobe was a bloody legend. Now he's just bloody.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

"Alex! We need to talk! Now!"

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!