Now jokes

Suck tiny dick, now you have STD's.

What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?

"We are in the endgame now!"

In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.

Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.

"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.

His father pointed at a map of North America.

"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.

The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.

"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"

The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.

"Where is Germany again, Father?"

He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.

Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."

"Yes?"

"Has Hitler seen this map?"

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

Once I threw the ball at a wheelchair kid. Now we are playing Rocket League! :D

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.

Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?

For every dollar a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That’s unfair! Now the man only has 30 cents!

You have five seconds to kill me. 1... 2... 3... 4... Thank you. I can rest now. WAIT, HOW AM I TALKING?????????????????????

As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.

Alex: Dad, can we get me a little brother from the orphanage?

Dad: Sure, Alex!

Dad: We're here!

Orphanage manager: Alex! You are so big now!

Alex: Dad, what is she talking about?!

I am starting a frog cult now!

sad sad sad

now you laugh and like

thank you!

My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.

(Again, credits to my really funny friend)

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........