Now jokes
freshfry, we need to talk now...
Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)
I was Gandalf the Grey.
But now, after just three washes...
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Knock! Knock!
Who’s there? Control Freak. Con... OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
My chocolate babe is calling my name, and now I'm about to get my chocolate freak on.
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
Nnnbgfdddddrr.
You can only say "Kobe" now when you're playing flight simulator.
For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"
Karen walks into McDonald's.
Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??
Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!
Lady at the counter: yes miss.
Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.
Lady at the counter: *sweats*
Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.