Now jokes

My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him, and now we wait.

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

freshfry, we need to talk now...

Hi my sweet friends! This is for everyone who needs help right now :)

"Alex! We need to talk! Now!"

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.

He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.

Kobe was a bloody legend. Now he's just bloody.

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.