Now jokes

Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

What does a man with 20 children do now?

Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.

Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.

I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.

It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.

He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.

Kobe was a bloody legend. Now he's just bloody.

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

Can I ask you a question? Nut now!

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?

I am in trouble.

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.

Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!

My mates threw nuts at the wall, now we call them walnuts.

Hahaha :)

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.