Now jokes
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Why is arson so fun?
IT'S A FIRE ACTIVITY!
HAHAHAHAHAHAPAHAAHAHIIRTAASIISISISHRNHHTHTHTHHNHSHSNIHTAHE
Day 83 of being trapped in þis room. I made a language. I call it hertof. I speak wiþ þe walls now.
How is [someone] blessed with a 9 inch dick?
That priest is in jail now. Shout out to the church!
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Memes
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay now.
I go out with enyaw, now she is just gay.
Kobe was a bloody legend. Now he's just bloody.
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
You look like a double dipped chocolate chip cliff flipped glazed charcoal slim jim Mr. clog hunch frap, no feet, 9 arms, 17 stomachs. You stepdad beat you with a wiffle ball bat. NBA Youngboy was in your bathroom spitting on you and now you got herpes on your left side cheek.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.
He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.
What does a man with 20 children do now?
Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
For Charlie D'Amelio fans, my basement is your home now. Leave a like if you agree with me.
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: I don't know why.
Man: Because they have a family plan.
Kid: Well, I need to get another phone service now.