Now Jokes

I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, jack got high grabbed her thigh, and said "you know you wanna" jill said yes and pulled up her dress and then they had some fun, but silly jill forgot her pill and now they have a daughter

haha i fucked you over

Yo mama so ugly your dad now had to be drunk to bring her home.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky

Silly Jill forgot her pill

And now there little Frankey

There was a little kid crying in the park today, i askd him where his parents were. Now i realize, man i love my job

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Why are the twin towers and genders so similar? Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

Why don’t orphans now how to use a phone

Because they don’t know where home is

My boy I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now! *draws a picture of his "epic" sword* "what......WHAT..... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

GO ON THE QUINTILLIONAIRE MORNING ROUTINE NOW!

1. Wake up 2. Take a shit 3. Eat 4. Get out of bed 5. Have breakfast

Been watching smackdown dvds and I'm so erect right now. I'm so bricked up.

Knock knock who’s there yo mum yo mum who yo mum is watching you wank right now

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?" Mommy xays, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play" A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter. Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so l she l took the sissors and cut them off."

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read "Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now" The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying "Sorry meant using your wifi"

America once was known as an Obama nation. Now we're known as an abomination.

My Dr told me "Time heals Wounds ".. So I Stabbed him .... Now we wait.....

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.