I rang my boss and said I’m really sick I won’t be coming into work, my boss said Davo your sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now? I replied well I’m in bed with my sister!
my friend was in a wheel chair so i rolled him in fire now i call him hot wheels
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with a arm missing and I thought cool display until I heard him screaming and getting the other chopped off then I said “ man now that’s a 10/10 display wow
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high grabbed Jill's thigh and said I know you wanna, Jill said yes lifted up her dress and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
BFF:DUDE, COME OVER TO MY HOUSE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!
Me:What no way its 2:58 am
BFF:but i just found my brothers secret stash of oreos!!!!!
Me:I'll be over in 5 minutes
A TWELVE VOLT BATTERY walks into a tavern and orders a drink.The bartender serves him , and comments now don't start anything .
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied “okay cool now I’m going to go sue thin mints for not making me thin.”
My nan coughed and threw up a lung. Now she is dead
my water was leaking, so i used flex tape. now i don't know where to shower. Thanks Phil
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son. Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is Allahu Akbar
Teacher:Don’t run into the road!! Down syndrome:Weeeeee Teacher:lol now he’s a mashed potato
when i was very young... my classmates played a game called kiss chase, some were really good at catching the girls and then kissing them They are rapists now
the teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make mooo said sally good job said the teacher what sound does a sheep make baa said jack good now what sound does a pig make little johnny raised his hand really high in the sky the teacher called him he said the pig says get on the ground and put ur hands on ur head u black moterfucker
My mom said to let Jesus come inside me now i can't sit down
when my dad once went to the virgin islands now its just called the islands
You’re so ugly I can see why your dad left now
People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023
2023: GO BACK NOW! THEIRS 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!
little Johnny is my son and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a burger king whopper to Moscow then take revenge for little Johnny!!!
Abortion is becoming more and more expensive these days. So visit Ammu-nation and pick up an Armsan RS-X1 tactical shotgun, it comes with a free box of ammo and a three year warranty. Buy now pay later.
