Now jokes

You're the sun in my life, now get 93 million miles away from me.

Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.

Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.

I could tell a joke right now, but it's too dark.

The world has turned upside down. Orphans are now being homeschooled.

How are genders and the Twin Towers alike?

There was 2, now it's a sensitive subject.

My dad is now a milkman.

Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a touchy subject.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?

Exercise?

I thought you said "extra fries!"

-A minion (you may now laugh).

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.

Now ain't that cool?

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!