Now jokes

Exercise?

I thought you said "extra fries!"

-A minion (you may now laugh).

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.

Now ain't that cool?

I remember last year all these bitches called me lame so I stopped the simping and pretended I was gay, now I think they're all fucking with me.

I'm an LGBTQ imposter got cut last year know I've made the roster and you may think I'm a monster. I'm just just tryna see some titties.

I'm really bored and I don't know what's up with Prince. He isn't talking to me.

And Freshfry, why are you so mean now?

Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.

Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

What's one similarity between the twin towers and gender?

There used to be 2, and now it's a sensitive subject.

I could tell a joke right now, but it's too dark.

Your hairline is so curvy now, Ice Spice has competition!

My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.

SELF HARM

I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.

The world has turned upside down. Orphans are now being homeschooled.