Now jokes

Don’t feel bad about this day because there’s a saying: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."

I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.

Papyrus: Sans, I have a joke. What do you call someone lazy and incompetent?

Sans: What do you call them?

Papyrus: YOU! NOW GET UP AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM, YOU LAZY BONES!

What's one similarity between the twin towers and gender?

There used to be 2, and now it's a sensitive subject.

Your hairline is so curvy now, Ice Spice has competition!

My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.

SELF HARM

One day I was just sitting around when my butthole began to grow larger. It grew and grew and began to engulf the other parts of my body until it swallowed them all. Now I am just a big butthole typing this. Please help me!

Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.

Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.

One day the mailman came to drop the mail off, then he asked if I could use the bathroom. I said yeah. The thing is, my mom was coming out of the shower naked, and when she opened the door, it was me and the mailman.

Now, when the mailman sees me, he says to me, "We got something in common, we both saw your mom naked."

9/11 is like genders.

There used to be two of them, and now it’s a touchy subject.

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

How are the Twin Towers and genders similar? There used to be two, but now it's a sensitive subject.

I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

My friend David lost his ID.

Now he is just Dav.