Not jokes
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.
There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
What did Mario say when he broke up with Princess Peach?
It's not you, it's a-me, Mario!
Trying to make jokes in 2020-2021 be like:
Comedian: "When she went in front of the TV, it took an hour till you could see the screen again."
Audience: "Why you gotta be so offensive?"
Comedian: "I'm not tr-"
Audience: "Oh, so now you're trying to debate?"
Comedian: "I-"
Audience: "Now you're acting racist?!"
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
Don't be sad, because that's das backwards and das not good.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
Cancer is like a video game.
Some people cannot beat it.
Stephen Hawking is not dead; he just needs to charge.
These are all really nice jokes, but here is one.
Boy: Spell ME.
Girl: M-E.
Boy: You forgot the D.
Girl: There is no D in ME.
Boy: Not yet.
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?
I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.
The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.
Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.
That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.
Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.
Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.
But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Be warned, if you are in the shower, I might pikachu and it's not my fault if I see any jigglypuffs.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
What's long and not very hairy?
The conga line at the cancer department.
Dark humor is like water.
Not everybody gets it.