Not jokes
What do you call a house that isn't a house?
Not a house.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school?
They do not have parents to bring to parent/teacher conferences.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
There is no god. None, not one.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
The emo girl got jealous that her phone died and not her.
There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not leaked!
Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.
Why can an orphan never get picked up?
Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL
Dear Gwen, you are not a faker, nor liar, nor loser!
And the people that are bothering you are just dumb, stupid, bored, and need to get a fricking life instead! Don't hurt yourself because of these comments, to be honest, you're really nice, kind, and mannered! There are more kind people than mean people, and I am one of them! Just live your life and ignore Liv and the unknown guy, which is named Greg! No need for all this drama!
Best, Tenya Bailey.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
An old man goes to church.
One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt, and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand, he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn-out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed in expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship."
The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again, he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church."
Not to brag, but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.
Why do the police never catch the orphan?
The orphan is not wanted.
Q. What's the best part of living in Alabama?
A. Not having to change your last name when you get married.
Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."