Not jokes

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

I made an orphan website. It does not have a home page.

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

I made an orphan website.

But it did not have a home page.

Why don't orphans drink milk?

'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.

Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.

One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.

I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.

What is heavy forward but not backward?

"Ton."