Not jokes
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Emos do take shots of themselves... not with a camera, though.
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
Why can’t orphans play GTA?
Because they are not wanted.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.