Not jokes
Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.
Son: Why, Dad?
Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.
What are fish not allowed to have?
Seaweed.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?
Next time I’m bringing all my friends.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.
Why are orphans good at being a criminal?
Because they're not wanted.
Why do nuns not wear bras?
God supports everything.
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
Why can’t orphans play GTA?
Because they are not wanted.
Why did the emo cross the road?
To not get to the other side.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.
2. You can't count your hair.
3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.
4. You just tried number three.
5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.
6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.
7. You skipped number 5.
8. You just checked if there was a number 5.
9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.