Not jokes
Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."
Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.
Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.
What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?
I am not registered.
Dad: What did you learn in school today?
Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!
What part of a computer system does an orphan not have?
A motherboard.
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Finally, some social platform where you can talk about Muslims and not get bombed.
Obv, unless you share your residence.