Not jokes

In Rocket League, you don't care who wins game MVP as long as it's not somebody on the other team.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.

I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.

Why did the wheels not move on his wheelchair?

Because he had no legs.

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

Why did the orphan jump into the burning building?

It was too cold because they did not have a home.

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents :) so kawaii fr.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.

What did Little Johnny say to his dad?

Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"

I may not be that good with puns on this site, but I got a skele-ton of jokes. Hey, what's the matter pal, is there something crawling under your skin?

Emos do take shots of themselves... not with a camera, though.

Orphans would be upset if they went to FamilyMart.

'Cause they sell oden, not a family.

Dad, why are we here?

Because you're not loved.

Hello, this is Godlygirl26. I want to help people with their problems no matter what. There is nothing that God cannot do. I want y'all to know that God is with you, not any of those stone or wood "gods" but a true, loving, powerful God. DM this right here and I will answer. Hope I can help you! Love, Godlygirl26.

When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."

A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"