Not jokes

what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?

dead.

What's the difference between me and a registered sex offender?

I am not registered.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What did Gandalf say to Mario? "You shall not pass!"

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.

In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.

The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.

"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.

"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.

"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.

It did not rain very often when Chuck Norris was a kid.

Why?

Because his favorite childhood song was "Rain Rain Go Away."

I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

Why do people come on here just to say that we should not be making these jokes? They literally look this shit up just to complain.

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

Why can’t orphans play GTA?

Because they are not wanted.

Why do nuns not wear bras?

God supports everything.

Why did the orphan become a killer?

Because he knew they would not look for him.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?

When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.