What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Not Jokes
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
Why don't orphans drink milk?
'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.
I made an orphan website.
But it did not have a home page.
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.
What is heavy forward but not backward?
"Ton."
I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.
I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.
The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.
The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.
Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.
Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.
Teacher and kid.
Kid: Hey, teacher.
Teacher: Yes?
Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)
I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.
When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".
I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!
I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.
(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)
(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
