Not jokes

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

Fat kid jumps in the pool.

The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."

The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

Why don't orphans drink milk?

'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.

I made an orphan website.

But it did not have a home page.

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.

I copied my friend's work. It's not like the teacher can tell my parents.

What is heavy forward but not backward?

"Ton."

I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it was not born yesterday.

I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.

The first thing a man looks at in a woman, is her heart.

The fact that her breasts block the view is not her fault.

Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.

Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.

Teacher and kid.

Kid: Hey, teacher.

Teacher: Yes?

Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?

Teacher: Of course not.

Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!

One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.