Not jokes

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not Stephen Hawking.

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

Okay not a depression joke but... what’s worse than 10 babies in 1 bucket?

1 baby in 10 buckets.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

I made an orphan website. It does not have a home page.

My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...

Little Johnny said he wanted a coffee, so his mom said he can have one.

He got an espresso, not knowing "depresso" came with it.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

MOM: Honey, I'm pregnant.

DAD: Hi, Pregnant, I'm Dad.

MOM: No, you're not.

The American Dream is real. It's just set and filmed in Toronto and not Texas.

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

"You have your entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?"

What is heavy forward but not backward?

"Ton."

What's the advantage of being a grade A paedophile? You know it's not period blood.

Not all roses are red; Not all violets are blue; If you're reading this, God loves you.

Fat kid jumps in the pool.

The popular girl: "I thought there was going to be a tsunami."

The fat kid: "I thought trash was not supposed to be in the ocean."

I made an orphan website.

But it did not have a home page.

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.