Not jokes

What's big and round?

Mine and not yours.

Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.

Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.

The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.

Yo, Buster, I hope I am not busting your bubble.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

What does a kid say to an orphan, "Where are your parents?"\n\n"I don’t have parents. Where are yours? Are you an orphan like me? I hope not!"

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.

Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.

Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?

Son: I don't know.

Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.

Best part about being an orphan?

Not spending 1h30 at the table every night with your dad yelling, "What's 2*3?!!" And you crying, "I don't know!!!"

Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.

Why are sex toys something to stuff in your asshole and not a big racecar?

Why did the clown not attack Mike? Because they bouncee.

So this guy thought he was funny by pissing on the floor and not in the urinal.

Later on, I guess some kid ran into the bathroom because, well, he probably had to go, but yeah, he slipped and fell and hit his head on the urinal, so all in all it was a pretty good prank on his part.

Bully: You are a piece of shit.

Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

I was running away from expired grocery items with my friend, when I got out I noticed he was left for bread. I felt so guilty, he was toast. I'm not loafing this.

Hi, I did not get it when I went home to walk home from home and walk, walk, walk.

There were 20 people in a box. There was not mushroom.