Not jokes
What is a tree that does not exist?
A money tree.
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
Because it did not have the guts.
A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.
Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.
The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.
A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.
Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."
She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.
The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.
He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."
What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?
Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.
What's black and at the top of a staircase?
Not Stephen Hawking.
What is a dog that does not walk? A magic dog.
Why do midgets have to wear a green bright jacket when crossing the road?
Because they will get turned into a pancake even more.
It's not funny, I know.
Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?
A: He was scared the juice might come out.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Yo forehead is so freaking big, but not bigger than my BBC. 😏
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
Do not sort... that's bad... *sigh in depression*
What is not the definition of prostitution?
A dumb blonde that got money for babysitting. Does it cycle now?
Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.
A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"
I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."