Noise

Noise jokes

Christmas

    • I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

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    • School Bus

    • What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?

    School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.

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    • Noise memes

    Robbery

    • Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

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    • Sister

    • So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her, "Can you stop smacking? It's annoying." Then she said, "I can't, it's a juicy type of candy." So I said, "I can stop the candies from making that sound." Then she said, "How?" So I smacked her. :)

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    • Mom

    • When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

    Time

    • Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

    Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

    Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

    Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

    Bully: How would you know that?

    Me: Because she told me herself.

    Bully: How exactly?

    Me: She's on the phone right now.

    Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

    Me: Told you so!

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    • Sex

    • One day, Little Johnny came home with his girlfriend and told his dad, "We're gonna go to my room and do some homework." His dad said okay. Five minutes later, Little Johnny's dad heard noises coming from his room, so he went to go see what it was, and all he heard was, "Baby, baby, oh, baby, baby, oh." Little Johnny's dad started banging on the door and said, "Little Johnny, what are you doing in there?" Then Little Johnny said, "Dad, we're just having sex." Then Little Johnny's dad said, "Oh, I thought you were listening to some Justin Bieber up in here."

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    • Nun

    • A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

    St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

    St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

    Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

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