Noise jokes
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?
You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.
Sorry.
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because it's extinct.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.
Q: How do Chinese people name their kids?
A: They throw pots and pans down the stairs and see what noises they make.
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.
What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
Walk The Dinosaur-By watersharky Productions and Was(Not Was)-
Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom
It was a night like this forty million years ago I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur
I met you in a cave, you were painting buffalo I said I'd be your slave, follow wherever you go That night we split a rattlesnake and danced beneath the stars You fell asleep, I stayed awake and watched the passing cars And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody walk the dinosaur
One night I dreamed of New York You and I roasting blue pork In the Statue of Liberty's torch Elvis landed in a rocket ship Healed a couple of leapers and disappeared But where was his beard?
A shadow from the sky much too big to be a bird A screaming crashing noise louder than I've ever heard It looked like two big silver trees that somehow learned to soar Suddenly a summer breeze and a mighty lion's roar I killed the dinosaur, I killed the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur Open the door, get on the floor Everybody kill the dinosaur
Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom Boom boom acka-lacka boom boom
I have fun with my friends.
Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."
Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."
Why can't Jordan moan? Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
(Note: this joke is not one of the worst jokes ever because it is obscene or offensive; it’s just a bad joke.) Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because they’re dead.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*