Why are they called BREAKING NEWS in the entire world?
Because they breaking the whole entire news.
Today was a bitter-sweet day... Bad news is my friend was assaulted, good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast? "Here's the beef of the week!"
Did you hear about the Boston marathon cause well I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail? There is a small medium at large. (Pause For Laughter)
did you hear about the person who died? i would tell you about him but he died
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives... Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:.... Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating." The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!" The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
i threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters, the teacher was upset, i guess they dont read the news
i saw a helicopter fly next minute i knew kobe was on the news
I don't really trust the press. Sometimes they wear badges that say 'press', but if you press those badges they just fall over all surprised.
And Sterling has taken a dive. That's all for financial news, back to the football.
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
scoop pa tun manaa
What's a furry's favorite news network?
Fox!
Did you hear the news? Michael jackson died, because he choked on 7 year old nuts and balls
Great news for all star wars fans who can't wait until the next movie!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QoMlJbLJHcg
Breaking news (2020): depressed pigeon misses shitting on people
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
