News jokes

Aaaah, I really wish Stephen Hawking was an organ donor...

I really need some new parts to my go-kart.

I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!

What's the similarities between the New York Jets and the World Trade Center?

They both fall in September.

I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Orphan: Where are my parents?

God: New York City.

Orphan: But they used to live in China.

I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).

Teacher: We have a new student. He's an orphan.

Student: Oof.

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Student: His parents.

I love my new phone.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

What's Osama bin Laden's favorite football team? New York Jets!!!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Like a work film, to take new in the center.

More good, Tar de Spring is the mill Murray Hurlowar Skelett Dwight Dowl - for its general help!

I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"

ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.

Head and Shoulders!

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

Why can't New Yorkers play chess?

Because they lost their towers.