News jokes

What's the similarities between the New York Jets and the World Trade Center?

They both fall in September.

I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Orphan: Where are my parents?

God: New York City.

Orphan: But they used to live in China.

I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).

Teacher: We have a new student. He's an orphan.

Student: Oof.

Teacher: Is anyone missing?

Student: His parents.

I love my new phone.

What time is it when you eat a Christmas tree?

Time to get a new Christmas tree! 🎄

What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?

New Yorkers.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀

Hi, I'm new here.

New groupchat??

If George Floyd was in the new Little Mermaid: Under da knee Under da knee Counterfeit 20 Drugs I took plenty Now I can’t breathe

I told a crying kid to wipe his tears and come back smiling.

He never came back the next day, says the local news.

New BBC Geordie police drama set in Honolulu.

Haway Five O.

The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!

If you get a new bed, you have more bedroom, but less bedroom.

Why are New Yorkers scared of airplanes?

What do you call New York City?

A human zoo.