Newness Jokes

In the new Justice League movie Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that? Because Flash is not supported on Windows.

Why are they called BREAKING NEWS in the entire world?

Because they breaking the whole entire news.

today I invented a new word plagiarism

Have you seen Dolly Parton’s new shoes? Neither has she!

So I saw a bag full children near a dumpster, I guess we know where the Orphans are when the parents didn’t want them..

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic Priest comes along, otherwise the Priest will have new sex toys..

I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple

Did you hear the news? Michael jackson died, because he choked on 7 year old nuts and balls

i'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to new york so i flew them to new york and hit the towers that was a tragic story

KATGOD HERE IS A NEW CHAT BOX

Happy new years 🍆🍑🍆🍑

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast? "Here's the beef of the week!"

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."

A man had moved to a new contry with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there telling he wanted his dog to be groomed. The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours" so the man left and came back a couple hours later when he asked about his dog he was given a box of jerky he found out "happy dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.