Newness jokes

Did you hear? There's a new fast food restaurant coming: Jacko in the Box.

There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.

Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.

Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?

There was a new texture pack.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:

Here comes the airplane.

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

How do you scare a lot of people in New York?

Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."

When your plane heads for New York...

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

You learn something new every day.

Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.

What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?

They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.