Newness jokes
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID.
None of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently.
Why did the rapper bring a ladder to the concert?
Because he wanted to reach new heights in his performance.
What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.
The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.
Happy New Year’s Eve. 2023 was something lol
My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.
Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95
Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.
Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.
Student: Stands up.
Teacher: Why did you stand up?
Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.
What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?
We're all empty on the inside.
Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
When your plane heads for New York...
How do you scare a lot of people in New York?
Open a mobile hotspot named "Delta Inflight Wifi."