Newness jokes

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.

New teacher: Everyone stand up if you think you are stupid.

Student: Stands up.

Teacher: Why did you stand up?

Student: I hate seeing you stand up there by yourself.

Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.

What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:

Here comes the airplane.

The best football game was the Jets against the Twin Towers.

My wife Jean is happy, 😊 pretty, 😍 and pregnant,🤰 boy, 👦 am I glad 😊 I bought her 👩 a new whirlpool washer and dryer.

Washer: $249.95 Dryer: $199.95

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

When your plane heads for New York...

Who are the fastest readers in the world? New Yorkers. They went through 110 stories in under 10 seconds.

Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.

It puts a whole new spin on meals on wheels. No pun intended.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.