Newness jokes

We used to be the tallest buildings in New York...

Then we took an Arab to the knee.

Time to go to New York to visit the Twin Towers.

They’re already getting closer.

The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast... all over her face 🤤.

What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!

Everyone, take off your pride flags; it's already a new month.

Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.

Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?

Jack: Bad News first.

Mother: I'm dying!

Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.

Mother: *cries*

Jack was never seen again.

My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."

Student: "But!"

Teacher: "Is something missing?"

Student: "Your parents!"

So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.

Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.

It's my New Year's resolution.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

These jokes are old, come up with something new!

What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?

Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"

What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?

"Here's the beef of the week!"

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

I think I'm colorblind. News came out of purple.

Happy New Year! 🍆🍑🍆🍑