Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Newness Jokes
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."
Vortex: "You'll do what?"
Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"
*Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*
Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.
What did Vegeta say to Bulma?
What?
Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, because they don’t need a home button.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.
I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"
A joker gives Batman a coupon for new parents. It's expired.
An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."
He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"
He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."
I got the new phone with longer lasting battery, but it still lasts longer than your relationships, ooooooooooo!
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
Cancer is like your dad. It only comes back when Blueface baby drops a new album.
What's the difference between China and New York City?
In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.
Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?
They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?
We're all empty on the inside.
Imagine you're playing GTA and you finally found out how to take out a gun: Option 1: shoot someone Option 2: suicide
Me: Aren't they the same thing?
Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!
