Worst Jokes Ever
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
What do you call a failure in another language?
Me.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
Little Johnny was alone because Dad didn’t come back.
What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?
"The whole pile of shits."
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
What do you call a one-legged China man?
Ty Whon Shu.
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."
~John F. Kennedy
Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy. Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.
Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"