Worst Jokes Ever
I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I see you, I throw up.
My brother said, "Bruh, why you so ugly plus why do you stink?" Me: "Is that supposed to be a roast? I got one for you. Why do you look like you came out the wrong side of your mother? Instead of her stomach, you came out of her butt. That's why you were born with brown spots on your head. That's her poop, you stupid fuckface." My friends: "Ouch that's gotta hurt."
"INNOCENT! THERE IS NO WAY TO PROVE THAT THE GIRL WAS 13. It doesn't matter what texts he sent. There is no way to prove that the girl was 13, or the fact that it was a girl. Failed sting operation."
People always told me to open doors for elders. So I opened the plane door 5,000 feet up in the air for a grandma.
Emo kids are so good at kicking football. I hear they have good hang time.
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.
What did the traffic light say to the other?
🚦🚥🚦 Stop looking, I'm changing!
My cousin called me ugly.
Well, I'm pretty sure 90% of her looks could be wiped away with a Kleenex.
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
Mommy, Mommy! Are we dragons?
Shut up and don’t breathe on the drapes.
Mommy, Mommy, are you an archer?
"Shut up and keep the apple on your head still."
Why do orphans hate Cocomelon?
Because his mom and dad are in every episode!
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Mommy, mommy! Are we drug dealers?
Shut up and cut the coke.
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.