Worst Jokes Ever
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:
"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"
Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.
If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.
Canada is the Keanu Reeves of countries. Too bad the US is the Kanye West of countries instead of the Dolly Parton of countries.
Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.
What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?
A Kongregation.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
Bros over hos.
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."