Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.

An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

One day, a father was showering, and his daughter ran into the bathroom while he was getting out and drying off.

The daughter curiously pointed to her father's penis and asked, "Daddy, when am I going to get one of those!?"

The father replied quickly, "In about 15 minutes, when your mother leaves for work."

What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?

Kick her.

I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.

Q. What's the biggest cause of infant drownings? A. Postpartum depression.

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

What do you call a cow that wasn't meant to be born? A mi-steak!

What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."

What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.

There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.

What do planes and offices have in common?

They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.

What do you call a cow with horns? A horny cow.

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

Bro, why are you making an avalanche by that big forehead? No wonder why snow was found on Mars.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

What dating app do people in Alabama use? Ancestry.com.

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.