Never jokes

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."

Why do orphan kids never eat homemade food? Because they don’t even have one!

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"

Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

A girl named Sally has no arms.

"KNOCK KNOCK"

She never answered...

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

I hope you never find out whether that pressure in your ass is a fart or a shit.

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!

Let me tell you a joke about pizza!

Never mind...

It's too cheesy.

What did the bones on the moon tell the astronaut?

The cow never made it.

What show do orphans never watch?

"Fuller House."

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

Ok, everyone on this website... I HAVE NO BROTHERS OR SISTERS. The person who claims he's my "brother" is firesharky. He is trying to get fame. Never listen to him. He will lie and trick you to think I have a brother, but I don't.

Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"

"No."

"Have you always been honest?"

"No, never been caught!"