Never jokes

What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?

When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.

You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

Have you ever wondered why you never see a gay guy in a wheelchair?

It’s hard to become a vegetable when you’re already a fruit.

An orphan can never get a call home from school because they don’t have a home to call.

"Freshfry, please leave me and prince alone! I never asked you to join our chat!"

What instrument can a skeleton never play? An organ.

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.

Why was Hitler banned from Formula One?

He could never finish a race.

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

Hi, are you even my sister?

Yes, I am.

No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.

There once was a Mexican named Quan. He never talked about Dose. What happened to Dose?

Quan and Treis raped him. Once Quattro came out, they killed him. They were too poor to afford food, so they ended up eating Dose and Quattro.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

What's that thing that walks on two legs, washes dishes, sucks my cock, cooks, cleans, bends over for me and never fucking shuts up?

Femoids.

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.

A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.

Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"

Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

An old man goes to church.

One Sunday morning, an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt, and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand, he carried a worn-out old hat and an equally worn-out Bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed in expensive clothes and accessories.

As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.

As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship."

The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again, he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."

"I did," replied the old cowboy.

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church."

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.