Never jokes
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
What’s the best part about raping a blind girl? She’ll never see you coming.
Why can’t orphans play catch?
They never had a dad to teach them.
Why do the police never catch the orphan?
The orphan is not wanted.
You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
At what point does a joke become a dad joke?
When it disappears and never returns home.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.
What superhero will orphans never understand?
Homelander.
Kobe never died, he just faded away.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it would be impossible to get proper tea.
Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.
Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.