Never jokes
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?
Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.
Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.
I told my dad to get me a packet of cigarettes, he never came back.
AND I still didn't get my FUCKING CIGARETTES!
Want to hear a joke about a guy losing fingers?
Never mind, it’s too pointless.
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
Why do tables never need wheelchairs?
Because even without the ‘t’ they are still able.
Why are the best used guns from France?
Because they have never been fired and they have only been dropped once.
"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."
Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?
'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...
I could never date a midget.
We would never see eye to eye.
Why are orphans very abusive to their kids?
Because they never had loving parents of their own.
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
What do your BF and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both never get erect.
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
Why is it better to date an orphan?
Their parents are never home.
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!