Never

Never Jokes

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.

"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" ๐Ÿ”๐Ÿ˜‚

Bring a knife into the shower. NEVER gonna see that coming! He pulls the curtain like โ€˜re reโ€˜ and you're like โ€˜re reโ€™ yourself, motherfucker, and stab him right in the eye! You thought the psycho was out there? SURPRISE, the psychoโ€™s IN HERE with the Irish Spring on them!

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22. Give a man a match, and heโ€™ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

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