Need jokes

Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

Tj: Good... you?

Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

Tj: 😏.

Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

Tj: NO!!!!!!

1 day later.

Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

I didn't ask: ❌

I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?

"We need to circumcise that one."

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.

Yo hairline so far back that you need a magnifying glass to see it.

What did one skeleton say to the other?

Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!

Why do orphans never get a car?

Because their parents need to buy them one.

What goes up and down and needs two people?

A seesaw.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

Why do people poop?

Because it we need to!

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

How is sex like air?

It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

Teacher: Why are you late!

Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.