Need jokes
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Why are you late!
Girl: I need my beauty sleep.
Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.
What goes up and down and needs two people?
A seesaw.
Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.
Why do people poop?
Because it we need to!
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."