Need jokes
One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.
One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!
Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.
Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
I need to fuck an emo girl... those bitches are limited edition!
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
The students at Columbine needed books, but all they got were magazines.
Why is it that skinny men love fat women?
Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.
I didn't ask: ❌
I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️
Yo mama so fat the scale said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Why did the author go to the emergency room?
His editor told him he needed an appendix removed.
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
You need to play a B flat, not a C sharp, you just got band!
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture, unfortunately.
Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.
Teacher: Why are you late!
Girl: I need my beauty sleep.
Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.