Need

Need jokes

Kelp

    • What did Sally say when she was stuck in the water with kelp?

    "I need kelp! KELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

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    • Brick

    • Best way to trick your friends:

    A brick falls out of a plane.

    How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.

    How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

    The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.

    Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.

    Parrot

    • This lady has 2 parrots that only say one thing: "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?"

    So she goes and tells her pastor. He responds with, "I have two parrots as well, they are always praying, and they have everything that a parrot needs to be a Christian. Maybe if we put our parrots together, mine will fix yours."

    They proceed to do so, and the lady's parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, wanna have some fun?" and the pastor's parrots reply with "Johnny, drop your beads and lift your heads, our prayers have been answered!"

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    • Need memes

    Mom

    • When your mom says, "Go to bed," but you reply with, "But Mom, I need help because it is inside, but we are outside."

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    • Family

    • People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

    1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

    2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

    Last but not least, we play Twister.

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    • Atheist

    • 7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!

    Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?

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    • Woman

    • The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.

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    • Airplane

    • There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.

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    • Hunter

    • Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground.

    Terrified, he dials 911 and says, “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead.” The hunter replies, “Ok, I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says, “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says, “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks, “Anything else?” The nurse says, “Nope. That’s it.”

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    • Incest

    • One day my girlfriend and I were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.

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    • Vacation

    • One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!

    Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.

    Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!

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