Need jokes

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why do people play soccer?

Because people need to kick harder to win a parent.

I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.

My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.

I: "Get a boomerang."

Type: "Why?"

Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.

Why should you lose your virginity to an autistic person?

Because virginity needs to be lost with someone special.

Official Dj Penaldo playlist.

1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

Um, please do not swear, there is no need. Could you maybe just find clean jokes?

Women need to be in the kitchen.

People in wheelchairs need to stand up for themselves.

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"

"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."

"That was when I went to Yale."

"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"

"Thanks! I really need this yob!"

Say this when showing this website to someone: "You know, it's too bad this website doesn't have a homepage."

What is the difference between a man and a woman packing boxes?

The man says, "I have everything I need."

The woman says, "I love everything I have."

Cesar: What was that good salad called?

Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.

Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?

Servant: Hail, Cesar.

Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!

Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.

Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!