Need jokes

Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.

God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving, just to go skydiving twice.

You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.

What do you call a special needs kid with a motorcycle?

Motor disease.

Man, I don’t need Viagra when I see Mara!

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?

Their place.

LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?

Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!

Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?

Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.

The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone."

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.

When I hotline bling, I only need one thing.

"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

Who even needs white jokes?

I'm high and it's very hot.

I need some water, but I don't got none. AHAHA.