Need jokes
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?
What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?
Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
The reason why I stopped eating salads was not to be unhealthy; it was so I don't need to eat the wheelchairs along with all those fucking vegetables.
What does NASA stand for?
Need Another Seven Astronauts!
Why did the rapper wear sunglasses to the concert?
Because his lyrics were so fire, he needed protection!
Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?
Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't need lightbulbs--they glow in the dark.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
LEO is the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.