Need Jokes

. How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

I have an orphan joke.

But it needs parental guidence.

A friend called me a while back say "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing". I reply saying " Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes".

In the hospital they need to keep the disabled patients rooms cooler than the other patients rooms. Why? They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

The fries were the slowest in the race and they said "We need to ketchup to the tomato"

Why can't an orphan go to school? He needs a parent admission form to get in.

ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG

Give me freedom Give me fire Give me contract Or I retire

Jog all day Out of UCL now FC Barcelona I need you now

Villarreal defenders They surround me Big submarines All around me

I get upset Call my agent I want money I’m impatient

Knock Knock

“Who’s there?”

Boo

“Boo-Who?”

It’s just a joke, no need to cry

What's The Difference Between A Nuclear Reactor And Your Step Sis? You Need To Use Protection For The Nuclear Reactor.

Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her lagrangian points.

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

Boi your the reason the great wall of China is a thing. You so ugly the Chinese needed to block you out

why is there no woman on the moon?

because it doesnt need to be cleaned

Why do girls wear classic rock t shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique