Need jokes

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮‍💨

What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?

You don’t need parental consent.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"

Orphan: "My family never came back for me."

School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."

Jonny went to school one day, and later that day his dad got a call saying he needed to pick up his son because he had had sex with a teacher. When Jonny got home, his dad was so happy he went out to the store and bought him a bike. When they bought the bike, Jonny was offered to ride the bike, but he declined it and replied, "My butt still hurts."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He was just feeling like he needed a break, you know? Life is hard when you're a rooster looking after your hen and chicks. He just wanted a sense of normality, walking out of the farm. He felt light-headed, staring into the distance. Then, at this very moment, he realised it was his darkest hour.

Join us for more of the story, after the break!

Your dad never needed a van for you.

Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!

PERSON: I need to go so bad!

TOILET: Long time no pee!!!

One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."

Stephen Hawking is not dead; he just needs to charge.

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.

In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.

I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.

My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.

Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.

"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss Drake."

"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."

"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."