Need jokes
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Stephen Hawking is not dead; he just needs to charge.
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?
I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.
The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.
Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.
That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.
Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.
Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.
But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
Memes
You aren't alone. If you ever need to chat, I'm here. From one person to another. I hate this condition. I wish we didn't struggle.
In 2021, we won't need an April Fool's prank. Just think of Joe Biden and call it a day.
I love fire. My friends love it too. When I set them on fire, they run around and scream. They sometimes get so tired they immediately fall asleep forever. Also, they need a shower.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
You’ll only need a single nail to hang the picture frame up.
Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
What's the worst thing about having a Congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Anyone can do a Michael Jackson impression. All you need is a small boy who can keep a secret.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
Yo mama so fat, she needed cheat codes for Wii Fit!
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!