Need jokes
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
ROBERT LEWANDISNEY SONG
Give me freedom. Give me fire. Give me contract, Or I retire.
Jog all day, Out of UCL now. FC Barcelona, I need you now.
Villarreal defenders, They surround me. Big submarines, All around me.
I get upset. Call my agent. I want money. I’m impatient.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Boo.
"Boo who?"
It's just a joke, no need to cry!
Why can't an orphan go to school? He needs a parent admission form to get in.
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?
I don't need a punchline. Karens are the only joke I need.
Why is it that skinny men like fat women?
Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
I have an orphan joke.
But it needs parental guidance.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"
I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."