Name jokes

Person you don't know, my name.

A grasshopper jumps into a bar.

The bartender says, "We've got a drink named after you."

The grasshopper says, "Seriously? Why would you name a drink Callum?"

How do Chinese people name their children?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, "Ching Chong Chang."

Fuk Nip shat!

I named my iPod "Titanic." It's syncing now.

Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.

I just had a birthday party last week at my crib. I invited two fine, beautiful looking women. One was skinny and her name was Kelly, and the other one was overweight and her name was Chiquita.

Both of them came by. I told Chiquita only Kelly can stay and enjoy my birthday. You can't, you're too fat and clumsy, and I don't have any food or drinks for you, so see ya later, nutty professor.

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

Roses are red, lilacs are purple, I have a turtle, his name is Squirtle.

What do you call a gang of emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

"Hi, I’m Dan White’s dad. Where is he?"

His name is "Daddy!" HELP!

A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.

Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."

Republicunts/Cuntservaturds.

What do you call a boy Panera Bread?

Panera Balls.

This name makes me want to close season instead of open it.

What do you call a surprised Chinese man?

Answer: Ho Lee Fuk.

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

Video game company names always make me make puns I didn't intend to.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.