My jokes

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

My friend lives in a caravan park. His parents named him Money because they thought it was a type of currency.

One day I was at school, and this girl had the nerve. She told me to go to the back of the line. I was looking behind me, and she said, "What are you looking for?" I said, "To who [are] you talking to, boo boo?" Like, is you you my momma?

Can someone be my daddy?

My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.

I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!

I spy with my little eye something starting with, actually I have TWO normal eyes.

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

We were versing year 8 at footy, and they were mostly black, so I told my white friend to WATCH OUT!!!

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

What has 148 teeth and🥴🥴 holding back a monster? My zipper.

Where’s the English Channel?

Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.

Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.