My jokes

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going out and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home, and I will get back with him tomorrow morning.

Who likes eating ass?

My Little Pony.

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.

We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"

I was kissing my gal when the phone rang. I answered it, and it was a prank. I walked into the room when my girl had sex with me. Then we cummed the house full XD

PS free sex at my name

My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

My grandad killed Hitler. He was such a great man!

My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?

It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.

I was wearing a mask and told the teacher I ate her vagina. She said what? I pulled my mask down and said, "No, I said I like your hyenas." Then a kid sees me do it, but he only heard the first part, so he goes up to the teach and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight." She said, "Pull your mask down," and he pulls his mask down and says, "I'ma fuck you tonight."

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?

A miscarriage.

When I die, I want my body to be cremated.

And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

My life is like a grenade... I pull off the ring and, BOOM, it explodes!

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

I’m back and have a joke my friend said!

Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.

Person 2: What was it?

Person 1: He went as himself.

My girlfriend asked for a kiss, so I gave her my dick.