My jokes

My name is Mr. Cheese, but your jokes are still cheesier than me...

I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.

Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.

So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?

You: I want my mama.

Me: Soz, you can't even get one.

Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?

This midget in my school has two moms. I said, "Did your dad go get the milk?" He told me to shut up. I said, "I don’t shut up, I grow up like you should."

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

Why is everyone trying to make a big deal out of this? My family were only flying to Pakistan and crashed into 2 towers.

Person 1: Omg, my blind boyfriend cheated on me.

Person 2: What did you expect? Him to see other hoes...

When I look in your eyes, I always see something: my reflection. 😂

My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."

My dad said I need to eat more. I don't know why, but his fat ass needs to stop eating.

Why did Helen Keller’s dog run away?

I would too if my name was Braille.

Son: Dad, can I get a girlfriend?

Dad: Son, no, you are only 10, so no.

Son: Dad, I'm leaving to get a girlfriend.

Dad: Son, nooo, you are not my son!

Son: What did you say? *Son slaps the dad.*

Dad: Good, son, goodbye, get out of my home.

Son: Good, you can go move to a new home.

My kid had an accident.

Adopted kid:

Hey, Alex, what are you doing?

Alex:

Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."

Adopted kid:

OK, dad Alex.

Alex:

Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!

Adopted kid:

I’m so glad I have a mom.

My life is such an udder disappointment. What an udder failure!

Q: I wish my grass was emo.

A: Then it would cut itself.

One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.

You you you like like like like my joke nooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.

I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!