My jokes

I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"

It’s funny my sister wanted to have sex with me.

My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?

Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.

My dad died in 9/11....

He was a good driver.

My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!

If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

Where’s the English Channel?

Johnny: “I don’t know. My television doesn’t pick it up.”

I swear every time I walk past a guy, they stare at my ass. I always keep wondering why it hurts so much.

I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.

"So what, ah, my G?"

What did a Jedi say to Darth Vader? "You're not my father, I am yours!"

Happy birthday to you, you look like a ball, can’t fit in my jaws, I try to suck it.

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

I spy with my little eye something starting with, actually I have TWO normal eyes.

I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!

What has 148 teeth and🥴🥴 holding back a monster? My zipper.

We were versing year 8 at footy, and they were mostly black, so I told my white friend to WATCH OUT!!!

Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.