My jokes

My life is a joke.

What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?

An orphan.

Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.

My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

My I.

May I who?

May I put this pussy on your mouth?

Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?

Him: No, have you seen where it is?

Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.

Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?

I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.

Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Why is my butt wet? I forgot.

Yo forehead is so freaking big, but not bigger than my BBC. 😏

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"

I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."

My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!

What did I say to my friend, "Job, your new name is Jojo Siva?"

What did I say to my friend? "Job, your new name is Jojo Siwa."

Me: I'ma sign up to be a clown.

My friend: Why?

Me: Because my life is a joke. 😂

Here's some of my weird jokes:

What are rhinos? They're unicorns that let themselves go.

Joke # 2: Why do triangles try every angle of its house? Because it's in its name.

Joke # 3: Wanna hear a cheesy joke? Sorry, the mouse got to the cheese first.

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!

My dog has no nose.

How does he smell?

Terrible!