They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
My Jokes
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.
Yo, hairline is a distraction to my barber because he wanna fix it so bad (because of how bad it looks).
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
me all the time
Your so fat, my sister said. I said, "So at least I ain't fatter than your momma."
I was listening to some Drake in class.
My teacher shouted to turn it off. She then exclaimed that "Drake is mid and his music is very Pessi!" I didn’t understand the meaning until I checked the dictionary and realised it is a synonym for overrated.
I went fishing while watching porn, and my girlfriend said, "Well, you want my fish?" and I said, "But you're not in the water."
My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.
Okay so not a joke but like- There's a fucking noose in my school gym.
AUGH, oh sorry, I just got a third ball because of girls hitting my balls with a handball!
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my friend was mute she said, “Can't you unmute her?”
Guys stop before I tell my parents!
The day I saw people asking Lebron James whether he liked to play basketball, my thoughts be like: wait, so Lebron James is gay cuz he likes to play with them balls.
Who wants a picture of my pp?
I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.
Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”
Shame on you, Pessi!
"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.
I spy with my little eye something starting with, actually I have TWO normal eyes.
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
We were versing year 8 at footy, and they were mostly black, so I told my white friend to WATCH OUT!!!
