My jokes

What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."

Poopies in my undies.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

"I hope my death would make more sense than my life."- Joker

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

Ex: baby i miss u.

Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.

Ex: who died?!

Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.

My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.

My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!

I don't like Trump because he has ruined my kind's greatest man, Donald Duck.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

I walked to the milk store and did not see my dad.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I've got a bouquet in my pants for you.

I like my cigars like I like my women:

Seven years old coming from Cuba in a burlap sack.

How many Michael Jacksons does it take to screw a light bulb?

Oh wait, Michael Jackson only screws little boys, my bad.

I got my sister a book and she cried there, but I forgot she was blind.

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.