My jokes

Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?

Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.

My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^

Pontypool is rough.

Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"

I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)

Orphan: I want to be a relator.

Teacher: Why?

Orphan: Because I never had one in my childhood.

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."

I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.

How many fat people are in my house?

20, counting the kids in the basement.

"Igma is my balls."

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

Dad: My kid just said "butch," but since he is a kid, he said a bad word on accident.

*The next day*

Uncle: F*CK!

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

I love you, my new phone! 📲

True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.

This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."