My jokes

Taco

Hi, my name is Crappy. I like tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and more tacos and ya now GET LOST!

Ex-wife

Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag?

She lost her ass playing poker...

Dad

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

My dad came back!

Memes

Rock

My wife found a rock and asked if it was expensive, and I said it "leavarite". She said, "Is that expensive?" and I told her, "Leave it right there."

Woman

I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.

Deaf

I'm deaf. My deaf ex-wife cheated on me with a guy who I met on a deaf social trip who was also deaf. I guess I didn't see the signs at the time.

Orphan

What's red, takes my belt, and what I got from a weird children's house?

An orphan.

Sex

Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.

Job

At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.

Monkey

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said,

"Why the heck were my children jumping on a bed?"

Programmer

One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."

Penis

Once, there was a man that was coming to my house and peeing in my yard. Then the man came back to my house and flopped his penis everywhere and peed at the same time, and it went all over my face.

So the next day, he came back, and I got my BB gun and shot a metal BB into his peepee.

This didn't actually happen.