So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.
So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"
I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"
She said, "*sniff* yes."
I like my coffee like my men, long and black.
My horrible life.
Here’s my pun.
Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
Check out my YouTube Channel! (Gamer Zacoo01).
What do you say to Stephen Hawking when he dies?
"Rust in pieces!"
If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents!
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
Roses are red, violets are blue, my bed has room for 2 ;)
A person walks into the bar and said, "Hey barman, get my son a drink and tell him his dad is dead."
Who said that?
If my cat was a cactus, doesn't that make him a catus?
I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.
Are you a blood bender? 'Cause you're making my blood go south🖤.
My name is Caleb, and I like boo and eat it.
My dad died lol.
One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."
Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."
Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."
So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."
And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."
Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."
I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.
On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.
The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"
The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."
Hahaha
Son: Hey, Dad, why is my name Dick?
Dad: Oh, because a dick fell on you when you were born.
Son: Ohhhhh, so that's why I'm gay.
My question is, how do fat people fit in tuxedos? Honestly, don’t wear those. Wear your regular clothes. Your belly is just gonna pop out!
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
