My jokes
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
That’s right, I have my own category😎
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
I got an iPhone 14 for my brother? That was the best trade I ever made.
I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"
Memes
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
My friend: You're ugly.
The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.
Do nut get in my way.
Do nut get in my way.
Hey guys, I'm back. I was grounded by my grandfather, so, yeah.
Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.
This is my name: watersharky!
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?
Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*
Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.
Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*
My sister is really disrespectful, and her famous words are, "You're not my parent!" The next time she says this, I'm going to respond back with, "You're right, because I would have worn a condom to protect from you being born unlike my dad did!"
Me: Mrs., can I read my book?
Teacher: Sure.
Me: *watching my Chromebook*
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.