My jokes

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.

What's the difference between dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

"Hey man, what’s your name? Oh, my name is... Do your balls hang low? Can you swing it to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow?"

I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!

"Fortnite battlepass, I just shit out my ass."

Fortnite, Fortnite, did I mention Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite?

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

Stop making jokes about 9/11, my dad died in 9/11.

BEST PILOT OF SOUTHERN ARABIA

ALAKBAR

"Today was the worst day ever." "Why?" Because my ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

My dustbin's absolutely full of toadstools!

How do you know it's full?

Because there's not mushroom inside.

My sister has cows, and after 4 months, she said there was a mis-steak.

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

You know what really grinds my gears? Robots and liars...for example that Stephen Hawking fella. He sure looks and sounds like a robot!! And a major liar too! If he wanted to show me how smart he really was he would have figured out how to get up out of that four wheeler and tell me how smart he is!!!!!

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

My son.

Alright class, the person who answers my next question gets to go home.

Then a guy throws a pencil. The teacher asks, "Who threw that pencil?" "I did, I get to go home."

Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.

My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.