My jokes

I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

Worst joke ever: me and my user.

Twin Towers are like my parents: 2 left and 1 came back.

An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.

So I told him he was on my cock.

(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)

My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."

I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."

What’s the difference between 3 cocks and my sister?

My sister can’t take a joke about cocks in bed.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?

"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"

Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

How many babies does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, obviously not 10; my basement's still dark.

Had an amazing night with this girl, woke up, and it was my aunt. Now I’m in love.

My will to live.

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.

Did you know what my grandpa wanted for Christmas? A new ass because his one has a crack on it.

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer.