My jokes

My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

Your forehead is so big it blocked my phone service!

Roses are red, violets are violet,

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot!

"My name is Osama, I lost my jobba, so I became a BOMBA 💣"

I love to decorate my room because it's a great way to express your heart, though I just remembered, my room is pretty black and empty...

I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.

A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"

Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."

Genie: Poof!

Tom: It didn't work.

1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?

2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.

3. My foot lasts longer than your life.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

My friend Harry.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

I was raised as an only child.

Which really annoyed my twin sister.

I ate my mom.

You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.