My Jokes

I love my mom.

I tried to name my grass "emo" so it will cut itself.

My dog once went to Uranus. 🐶🤣🤣🤣

You know, because dogs sniff Uranus? 😂😂😂

I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself.

I went to ask my friend's mom if I could have a sleepover.

Then I remembered they did not have a mom or dad.

I was raised as an only child.

Which really annoyed my twin sister.

Orphan: Have you seen my mommy?

Person: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes?

Person: SON SON??? IS THAT YOU MY LOVE?

Orphan: MOTHER!

Person: Let's go home!

Orphan: Uhhhh

*She was never to be seen again*

You're so skinny my grandma gonna use you like a cane.

My stepsister is a big titty goth. Should I tap that?

*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*

I ate my mom.

L bozos fell like my grandma on the stairs.

I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."

My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.

But don't worry I think she was just joking.

I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.

I ordered my sandwich at a restaurant on 9/11 spicy, it came out plain.

Me and my girlfriend broke up, and I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.

Me: So you're gonna leave me again?