My jokes

My favorite sex position is the JFK:

I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

My granddad died in Auschwitz in WW2...

He fell from a tower.

Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.

Like and comment if you get it!

How do you turn a straight guy into a gay guy? Well... for starters, you grab that ass of his, drag him into the bathroom, and tell him to suck my long, big pineapple, and thus you have yourself one straight guy converted into a dick-sucking machine.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Rabid cow.

Rabid cow who?

Hold on, I need to get my gun....

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.

Twin Towers are like my parents: 2 left and 1 came back.

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.

My mom told me we were flying to a building to see my aunt. I wondered, "Are we about to relive 9/11?"

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"

Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."

Genie: Poof!

Tom: It didn't work.

My sister told me words don't hurt her, so I chucked a dictionary at her.

If one of ya'll could find my weave, that'd be great!

To Gwen and Freshfry: Hi Gwen and Freshfry, you have been so amazing to me and now to my sister. You are the people who I look up to. People are mean to us because I am adopted. Thank you for all of your support!

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

I love my mom.

I tried to name my grass "emo" so it will cut itself.