What has 4 legs and two gloves?
All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️
My Jokes
I wanted to play Fruit Ninja, but remembered I don’t have a phone. Guess I gotta draw fruit on my arm!
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Me: I need a good roast.
My friend: Take me!
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Guys, I'm back...
Here's my joke:
What is blue and red all over?
Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.
I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.
I was in Afghanistan and I had been captured by the Taliban. I was going to get the death penalty.
Suddenly a man came out of nowhere and offered to take the penalty. It was my idolo Penaldo. He missed the penalty. Now I will die. Shame on u Penaldo!
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......
The only joke my dad ever made was me.
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”
What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?
Not my problem.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
