My jokes

I love my dog!

Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.

Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

My "choco" is too "late" for lunch.

I was gonna clean my room

before I got high.

My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"

No witnesses.

A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.

When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"

God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."

My name is Jafar. I come from afar. There's a bomb in my car. Allahu Akbar!

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

He only won the election because of rigging.

82 million votes my ass.

Ask me for proof.

My wife is an optimist. Our first night together, she handed me a Magnum XL condom. I didn’t know what to do, so I made her a balloon animal 🎈🦒.

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

My friend was annoying me with bird puns. I realized toucan play at this game.