My jokes

I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!

Wheelchair soccer is just IRL Rocket League. Change my mind.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

I like my humans like I like my chicken... Fully cooked.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

Guess what my plans are for the weekend? Suing the NYCDOE for blocking (probably) WEBTOONS.com.

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

I had morning wood one day. Then my sister saw it and said, "I can help!"

Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

My hopes and dreams.

What’s similar between a pregnant 12 year old and the fetus inside of her?

They’re both thinking, “Oh, shit, my mum’s gonna kill me!”

For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.

But that’s just me in a nutshell.

My sister is so short she can't walk.

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.