My jokes

Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

I was gonna clean my room

before I got high.

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

My enemy told me I’m adopted, so I told him at least I got adopted.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

"Islam it is."

What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?

My big green pedo machine.

A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?

Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.

My name says it all.

My username good.

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."

I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.