My Jokes

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.

My name, my address and my phone number.

My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.

jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter

please like this. i bet my friend 20 bucks that i would get to 15 likes before him

They say I’ll mess up my insides, but I don’t have any.

I've never worn my gay sweater, it hasn't come out of the closet yet

Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too.

By:Xzavier

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

I like my women like I like my wine, twelves Year’s old, in the basement, and locked up

I named my dog 5 miles so when I walk him I can say I walked 5 miles random guy: I ran over 5 miles

My friend; you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate' "

One day I came home from school and said to my dad 'I got expelled from school today' he said ' how' I said I threw my book at the teacher' he asked why' I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can't hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. '

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."